Internal Family Systems

Internal Family Systems is an amazing approach for resolving problems, guiding our inner emotions and strengthening our Core Self. I do not always use this approach in therapy but when used it can be incredibly helpful.

We are Made Up of Parts

According to IFS we are all made up of Parts or mini personalities. There are two types of parts that make us up: our Protectors and Exiles. Protectors help us deal with external and internal threats. They help us cope with the demands and responsibilities of life. Exiles are our weak, vulnerable, wounded and traumatized parts. Protectors see Exiles as dangerous. Protectors work overtime to make sure that Exiles are locked away in the dungeon, excommunicated and banished from our awareness.  They may dislike and hate our Exiles. Alternately, our Protectors may empathize, care for and want to guard and protect our Exiles from further pain.  Our Protectors go into action when there is a threat that an Exile could be activated and escape or break out of their dungeon. Protectors may include Workaholic, Guilt Tripping, Tough, Macho, Anxious, Distancing, Self Conscious, Angry, Intimidating, Self Righteous, Tired, Blaming, Critical, Self Hating, Alcoholic Numbing and/or many other Parts.   

We Also Have a Positive Core Inner Self

IFS believes that in addition to our parts we all also have a positive, wise, caring, spiritual Core Self. The Core Self should be leading and coordinating all of our Parts. However, Protectors often fear that our Core Self is not able to control our Exiles and do its job. Therefore, our Protectors often take over and push our Core Self out of the way, banishing it to the dungeon.  IFS uses the metaphor of an orchestra in which the conductor, our Core Self, should be leading all parts to work together in positive ways to play beautiful music.  However, Protectors start blasting their instruments, take over and lock the conductor under the stage. This results in cacophonous, loud, out of sync music being played and life problems. IFS helps us to create a positive relationship with our Protectors. This puts our Core Self back in charge, in a leadership role.  When our Core Self is in charge it helps our Protectors get what they need, calm down and fulfill their mission in more productive and effective ways.  IFS views our Core Self as having 8 key qualities: Calm, Curiosity, Clarity, Compassion, Confidence, Creativity, Courage and Connectedness.     

Protectors Battle for Power and Take Over

Our Protectors are Control Freaks.  They often get overly fearful, intense, go on Steroids, get mission obsessed, lock our Core Self away, take over, seize power and create misery and trouble. Protectors can take us over for hours, days, weeks, months or even years. Protectors are often working overtime in our relationships to protect us from being hurt by our partners, family members or friends.  Couples often come to have ongoing Protector King Kong versus Godzilla battles overhead as each person tries to not let the other press their ‘buttons’ and threaten release of their vulnerable, hurt, Exiles inside. When Protectors operate at the 90 to 99.9% level they wreak havoc in our lives.   Protectors also often battle one another for power. 

All Parts are Good   

One of the most amazing things about IFS is that it views all of our Parts as good.  All our parts have good Intentions and are trying to help us.  Protectors often operate at the 90 to 99.9% level. However, we need our Protectors. When they operate at the 40 to 60% level they help us accomplish amazing things. Although we often hate or want to get rid of the Protectors that we do not like, IFS helps us to appreciate and transform them. Even Protectors that seem destructive are trying to help us in some way. They have good intentions but often go about dealing with their fears or getting what they need in extreme, self defeating ways. For example, Anxious Parts are trying to alert us to danger, Self Hating Parts are trying to get us to improve ourselves and Alcoholic Parts are trying to help us to calm down; but these Protectors often go overboard in their strategies. Our Parts are critical to our survival and success. They are good and help us. They get overly intense because they do not trust our Core Self, so they take over and cause problems. IFS believes that in order for our Parts to heal, our Core Self needs to understand and create positive relationships with our Protectors. With the permission and involvement of our Protectors we can then heal our Exiles. When our Protectors and Exiles get our understanding, appreciation and care, they grow, heal and take on effective, helping roles. All our Parts need to be unburdened of the pain they are carrying.